Thursday, August 28, 2008

Jes sent me this email, and I just had to post it because I was in hysterics over it! Enjoy!!!

I had an embarrassing moment at the gym today I thought I'd share... First, you need some background: At the gym, as with many things in life, I have certain rules that I abide by and wish others would do the same. There are many of these rules in regards to the locker-room. Now, it has nothing to do with any sort of penis-envy or homophobe feelings, it's just that I try to minimize my exposure to other naked men as much as possible, especially when it's mostly really old men and fat people. I'm certainly comfortable enough with my body to "let it hang", but in respect of the rules, I don't. There are many rules, too many to list now, but they are what you'd typical expect, such as:(1) Shaving doesn't need to be done naked.(2) Blow-drying your hair doesn't need to be done while naked.(3) Don't whistle while in the shower or toilet.(4) Don't hum while in the shower or toilet.(5) Don't stop to chat with your friends on the way to the shower and NOT wrap your towel around you. (6) Don't jiggle your body any more than is absolutely necessary. It's draws the eye's attention.(7) Don't do stretches or bend over for ANYTHING while naked. You have toes to grab...use them.And so on... So, today, I enter the locker-room and, having the "repetition makes me happy" personality, I like to use a locker in a certain area. I have a few backups, but I'll always shoot for this particular area. As I round the corner, I see the long row of empty lockers with no one in sight, except one man. One man standing right where I like to put my stuff. Would I be forced to go to an alternate? Usually, any approach on this man would violate rule #12 (When plenty of space is available, stay as far away as possible). It's similar to rule #15 (When there are three toilets available and someone is at stall 3, you must use stall 1). However, I noticed this man appeared to be locking up his locker and heading off to exercise, so I felt comfortable that I could go right next to him and he'd leave. I WAS WRONG! He was getting INTO his locker from a sweat-less workout. Now what was I to do?!? I have violated rule #12 by getting as close to another man on a row of at least 100 lockers that are vacant and it's obviously awkward. Should I say something? That would violate rule #10 (No idle chit chat that can be misconstrued as flirting), especially when you combine rule #12 and rule #10 together! I couldn't just move. While it wouldn't have violated any rules, it would be really weird to all of the sudden grab all my stuff and move, as if he had serious body odor or something. I couldn't violate rule #3, so I did all I could do... I hurriedly changed my clothes while we both sat in awkward silence, about 2 feet from each other-in a 40 foot long row of empty lockers.
That's all.


SpringerClan said...

Man drama! You have more issues than a magazine rack my friend.