Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Lately I have been thinking a lot about how good I have it. My life is really quite ideal. I have 3 amazing kids who I love more than anything I could have ever imagined. I have a fabulous husband who treats me so well, and is so loving, giving, hard working... not to mention he is the best father I know. He is always worried about weather he is doing enough, doing what's right, teaching them what they need to know, spending enough time with them... is he to hard on them, not hard enough???? He is always evaluating his standing as husband, father, leader of our home and family; and adjusting if he sees fit. I have a beautiful house, that I love. I have a nice car, that I equally love! I have great extended family who love and support us in all we do even though we don't see them that often. I have a nanny who helps me out tremendously in my day to day life. She is such a blessing. I am so lucky that I can work a little and have my kids just outside my door. She helps out so I can get household chores done without interruption from my children. I get to do something most Moms only dream off... go grocery shopping alone! It makes it possible for me to have quality one on one time with each of my kids.

In short... I'm spoiled. And I know it.

So why do I feel so many emotions that are so contrary to all I have stated above? What are these wayward feelings I battle with?

1) guilt.  I don't get enough done around the house. I should be able to do more with the time I have.

2) lack of gratitude. I get lost in my own world, my own issues. I forget sometimes how good I have it. I forget that most Mom's have it harder than me because they don't have a nanny to help them. A lot don't even have a supportive and helpful husband like I do. I find myself in a state of excuses. I'm too tired... not feeling well enough... too lazy... to take advantage of my blessings. Hence, feeling #1.

3) Feeling sorry for myself.  I know what you are thinking. Sorry for yourself??? WHY? HOW? I know, I know... it doesn't make any sense to me either. I have nothing to complain about, but I seem determined to complain anyway. Feeling #1 is creaping in again...

4)Frustration / impatience. I shouldn't feel anything toward my kids but love and affection. I don't have them riding my nerves every second of every day like most Stay Home Mom's. I have 5 hours per day, 3 days per week without them. I shouldn't be irritated at them. But, I do. Again, cue feeling #1.

I need to push myself a little harder. Get more done with my "nanny" time. Be happier. How do I change my attitude and shed the ungratefulness/guilt cycle?


Amanda said...

I think if you didn't sometimes feel frustrated, ungrateful, sorry for yourself, etc. then you wouldn't be a human being and you certainly wouldn't be a mom. If you want my advice, give yourself a break. Allow yourself to be imperfect without the guilt trip. All we can do is our best. Beyond that, we have to have faith that Christ will make up for the rest.

The Jansens said...

Give yourself a break. On the other side of your arguments, there are many moms who have it much MORE easy than you and yet don't rise to the occasion. You're a wonderful mom/woman!

Molly said...

I totally agree with the other 2 comments. We all feel that way from time to time. It's okay to feel bad, and/or ungrateful sometimes. Let go of the guilt though, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Guilt is like a theif, it robs you of many things. You are a FABULOUS mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend. And for what it's worth, I am so happy to be your friend. I love you no matter what your mood may be. I do hope you're feeling better soon though!